Hmm. Interesting.

So, today is apparently the 100th anniversary of the day that the Titanic was launched in Belfast, Ireland. I find this interesting because most people only remember the day that the ship sank (sunk?). At least, that is all I thought about whenever I hear the word "Titanic". And to be completely honest, before starting this project, I only remembered that unsinkable ship actually did sink. I had no clue about the date that it happened. But, today many people celebrated the day that the ship was first set in water, 31 May 1911. It would be almost a year later before the ship would actually set sail on its maiden voyage. Maybe it's just me, but I think that is really cool.

I've been writing down notes of things that I thought was interesting. I'm not very far into the book I am reading, but already I am at the point where I ask myself, "Why am I doing this". If I really think about it, I have no idea. I just thought that it would be something interesting to learn about. I like learning new things. I have a bit of Ravenclaw in me. But, usually, I forget the stuff I learned. I don't usually go out of my way to learn about something new. So I thought this might be a good project. I think I may try to do something like this every summer. Pick a subject and study it. See how much I actually retain.

Some people reading this might think that it is stupid. For those of you who do, I don't care. Maybe it is kinda stupid. But, is it really stupid to want to learn something new? To give yourself outside of classes? Okay, that last question could probably be answered with "yes". However, I will do it anyways. Because I'm a pilot! (but not literally. inside joke)

Anywho, feel free to comment about what you think.

*sigh*

For some reason, I am not able to comment on my roommate's blog. I can comment on other people's, but not her's. She can comment on mine. Other people can comment on her blog. I don't know if it is my account, her account, or just blogger.

Commence Project Nerdiness

Project: Nerdiness
Mission: Titanic
Assignment: Look up information about the Titanic. Read books/articles, watch movie, blog.
Duration: As long as needed

Explanation: Past- during high school, found novel about Titanic. Used. Enjoyed the book. Read often. Present- while browsing at bookstore, found another copy of same book, plus sequel (!). Both used, still in decent condition. Bought sequel. Began reading. Inspiration.

Information gathered from this assignment will be posted in blog.

This message will self destruct.

Settling

So, I moved into the Suites for the summer yesterday. For those of you who don't know, the Suites are made of either 2 bedroom or 4 bedroom apartments. I live in a 4 bedroom. I'm living here with 3 of my friends. There are 2  bathrooms. Actual bathrooms, too, with a tub (yay!). There is a living room and a kitchenete area. Each bedroom has a full size bed, a microwave, and a fridge. Of course, it doesn't help if you already have a fridge and microwave. My own fridge (the one I moved here) is in the living room. Lucy's fridge is in the kitchenete area. My roommate let me borrow her microwave, and it is in my  bedroom with the one the school provided. There is a nice closet, and decent storage space (more than I had in Ross hall). I think living here will be good. The only thing being that I will have a hard time adjusting to cramped living space when I go back to Ross. Also, there is one laundry room for the entire Suites (there are 4  buildings, the laundry room is in the 5th building where the Clubhouse Grill and convience store is), so I have to walk a little ways to do laundry. There was only one laundry room in Ross, but it was in was only a few floors down.

I have most of my room organized-ish. Still have more to do, but I will take my time. No use getting everything unpacked if I'm just going to move back to Ross in August.

money, Money, MONEY!!!

I wish I had money. That would solve all my problems. Okay, maybe not all.

Here is the situation I'm in: Going back to last summer, I had decided to enroll in another class during the middle of the summer. I also decided to add more meals to my meal plan. I had already been awarded all my financial aid for the summer. When I added those 2 things, I had several hundred dollars of money owed to the school by the time fall came about. In order for me to pay for my fall books, I had to place a check on hold at the bookstore. After a certain time, I could either pay for the books myself, or the bookstore would just run my check. I was stressing out over how much money I owe. But, after months of worrying, I had not only my summer bill paid off, but my fall bill as well by the middle of October (actually, I think it was before that, but my brain is somewhat fuzzy). The only thing that still needed to paid off were my books. I stayed at a friend's apartment for the first week of Christmas break so that I could work (staying in the dorms would have cost me a little). When I finally went home, I only had $100 left. I paid that off right before spring classes started.

Now. By the time enrollment for summer and fall came around again, I still owed money for spring. I tried to get that paid off too, as well as staying on track with m phone bill. I still owe money for spring. The only way for me to be able to enroll for summer, was to get a deferment plan thing, which means I have until a certain time to get everything paid off, spring and summer, before enrolling for fall. I just found out that I will not be able to keep my job at the library this summer. However, I have a job for the music show in June, plus I was awarded a grant and a loan. I would like to find another job, but I don't know how much commitment I'm going to have to the music show. Should I look anyways, or wait until after the show is over?

My problem is that I waste money. I waste it on things I don't need. I always have. Why do I keep doing this? You would think that, since I know what my problem is, I would be able to stop doing it. But, it hasn't worked out so well for me. And then, when I get in another finan problem, I stress and freak out. Like now.

Spring and summer needs to be paid off. I still have to buy textbooks for my 2 classes this summer. Plus, the monthly charges for my phone. I only have a few dollars in cash now, and nothing really in my checking account (I had to make a needed trip to Walmart today). I think I have two more checks coming from my library job (we get paid every 2 weeks, and the last check i get will be very small). I really hope that my summer finan aid will cover at least the majority of my student account bill, and that my music show gig will help out a lot too.

Oy. This is going to be a long summer for me.

Here's hoping things work out.

Don't you ever wonder what will happen when it ends?

I've been feeling kind of sad lately. I mentioned before that I just finished my fourth year of college. A lot of the people that I  started college with have graduated now, or are about to graduate. I have decided to stay on for another two years. I could graduate in 3 semesters, but I'm not sure that I want to. I told myself that I didn't want to do a December graduation because I thought it would be easier on my parents since there is usaully a lot of ice around that time, and I also thought that it would be better for me to just finish off a complete year. But, I'm still conflicted.

I'm scared to see my school years end. I'm scared to face the real world. But I know that I will have to do it sooner or later. I keep feeling like all of my friends are moving on with their lives. They have some plan of what they want to do. But I feel like I am stuck in the same place. Am I really stuck or did I just put myself in a "sticky" situation? I don't really have a plan. I mean, I am planning on moving back in with my best friend after I graduate, find a job, and find a theater to audition for. Then, I will probably move with her to North Carolina. The east coast has lots of acting opportunities, I have been told. I think the reason I want to go with her is because I don't want to be on my own. As I said, I am scared to be on my own. And also because she is my best friend and I am not ready to part with her yet. There are just so few friends that you stay friends with for the rest of your lives.

Have I become too dependent? Am I just attaching myself  to someone so that I will have a place to go? I had another idea of getting a second degree. And I also really want to go to Europe. But how do I plan for something like this? I lived a somewhat sheltered life. My family wasn't able to do much. I don't just want to be stuck in my hometown for the rest of my life. I want to go out and see what's there. But I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to start. So, it scares me.

I should really just stop thinking about it and just concentrate on what I have to do now. But it's hard for me.
Those of you who are reading this blog, and are out in the "real world", do you have any advice for me on how to plan for life outside of school? Any words of wisdom that will comfort me in my time of need?

...

Lonliness or Depression?

"I want to draw something that means something to someone. You know, I want to draw blind faith, or a fading summer, or just a moment of clarity. It's like when you go and see a really great band, live for the first time and, you know, and nobody's saying it, but everybody's thinking it, we have something to believe in again. I want to draw that feeling, but I can't. And if I can't be great at it then I don't want to ruin it. It's too important to me." Peyton Sawyer

Have you ever gotten to that point where you think that nothing you do matters? I'm there. I'm there a lot, actually. When am I going to do something that matters to someone? Now, if I was to bring this up to one of my friends, that would tell me, "You matter to me", or something like that. I know that I have impacted people. I've helped make my closest friends who they are now. I've cried and laughed, they've cried and laughed.

Peyton is a character from One Tree Hill (or used to be one). She is a girl with passion. She is passionate about drawing and music and art and expression. She seeks truth. In the episode this quote is from, she is scared to turn in her drawings to a magazine. So Lucas decides to do it for her. She doesn't think that her art matters. Lucas tells her it mattered to him.

I've started to realize that I don't have a lot of passion in my life. I'm trying to find that. To me, it seems that those who have a passion for something, have the greatest impact. It might not change the world or anything, but they have done something to leave a mark. Or, maybe I'm wrong. But either way, I want to have passion. I mean, you can't really be a nerd without having passion, right? I get excited about stuff, but I've noticed that I don't always put much effort into doing whatever it is I'm doing.

I think one of the things that I like about One Tree Hill, is that there is also something to learn from it. Of course, you have to look past all the drama behind the show in order to find it. But there is always at least one quote that sticks out and touches me.

"Hey. Your art matters... it's what got me here." Lucas Scott

Another year down

My fourth year of college is now over. My roommate is moved out, so my room is halfway empty. I don't get to move to my summer assignment until May 20, so I'm going to have some lonely nights.

My summer classes don't start for me until June, nor does my spotlight gig start until then. Oh, did I not tell you? I got a job doing the spotlight for the Downtown Country music show this summer. It should be interesting. I have never been to either of the summer music shows (the other is River City Players. This one is more professinal, for those interested in musical stuff).

I don't know yet if I will be able to continue working at the library this summer. I will be working there for intercession, which starts next week. Intercession is technically still part of Spring. I have hours left over from this semester that I can work off until June. I'm hoping I will still have work study, so  I can keep both jobs and make more money. I will not be able to enroll for fall classes until the spring and summer bills are paid off. Hopefully things work out.